The night I died it was raining hard. I could tell you didn’t really even want to come into the city at that point, but we had been planning this ‘guys night out’ for at least a month, ever since our girlfriends decided to go spend the weekend with S___’s sister in Albany. I tried to act like I was ‘kinda pissed off’ they didn’t invite us but inside I was counting the minutes until they left. Then it was just u and me in my parents’ basement and by that point we would have felt like ‘total pussies’ if we didn’t follow through. Your brother was having a big party at his apt in Harlem, it was going 2 b s0 awesome!
We had a few beers and smoked a little, just enough to make the night ahead feel alive, like we were really going somewhere. Alone. Together. ‘New York Fucking City!’ we said to each other more than a few times, as if we had never been there before. I didn’t even care that I was from Westchester, like some ‘bridge and tunnel loser.’ I stared as hard as I could into your eyes, both praying and dreading that u could read my mind.
Could u tell how much I loved you? How my heart pounded when you sipped off the foam from that beer u opened before you passed it to me?
We took the ‘Saw Mill’ in Ardsley and ‘fucking blazed south’ until we crossed into Manhattan and got on the West Side Highway. I’ll never forget the way the George Washington Bridge just kind of loomed up from the fog like a giant ocean liner, which was the last thing I ever saw. The irony of course is that it wasn’t even our fault. When that asshole swerved right in front of you and threw on the brakes, what choice did you have? Speed-Fucking-Racer himself couldn’t have reacted any faster. I don’t blame you.
It was weird how when we went over the guardrail and started flipping through the air, I asked myself if I was going to die, and a voice in my head said, ‘yes u r.’ (Even tho I had my seat-belt on.)
At least I made it to Manhattan, just like I always said I would. As much as I wish u were here with me, I’m still glad u made it out ok. Things are not so bad: as you probably know, the ‘class of 2k9’ is pretty awesome (via Michael Jackson). I’ll be waiting for u no matter how long it takes. And I know that you will never 4get me either as long as there are flowers and candles and even a bridge to remind u of what we once shared.
Miss u, life//wish u had lasted a little while longer.
