It was sad to see the birch tree’s leaves go, but the curve of some of its branches would be good inspiration, I thought, for my recent Feldenkrais work. Every day at the end of a lesson, Bruce Holmes asks his students to stand up, walk around the room, and notice if anything has changed since we started: our gait, our posture, anything else. Almost always, for me, the answer is ‘yes.’ My muscles are relaxed, my body feels centered and light, I am breathing deeply without concentrating on breathing deeply, my head is buzzing a little.
I often think about something Bruce Holmes said about halfway through one of the lessons. ‘Do you feel the difference between the left and right sides?’ he asked after guiding us through a sequence that focused on just one side of our bodies. At this second, my left side felt like zombie corpse, whereas the right felt like a tree sapling stretching toward the sun. ‘What you’re feeling,’ he continued, ‘is the difference between how you live your life and how you could live your life.’ Is that inspiring or demoralizing? It probably depends on how you feel at this juncture. But in either case, it’s something to consider.
It was a good year for leaves in the garden. Here’s an oak leaf from a columnar pin oak we started from an acorn and which is now probably four feet tall. We don’t really have room for it, but I’ve grown attached to it, much the way (I imagine) people get attached to their children. I want to see it grow up and lead a healthy life.
Our climbing hydrangea was one of the first plants we bought, over twenty years ago. It’s doing okay, but hasn’t exactly flourished in the way we had hoped. I don’t think it likes its wall, and it might need more light. But there’s also this certainty: not every plant can grow up to be a superstar.
I’ve convinced myself that our Chinese dogwood, which has never flowered (another disappointing child), is on the verge of big things. ‘Its leaves have never been this red,’ I said to Stephen. ‘Yes they have,’ he said. ‘But it’s still very pretty.’ Every parent brings different expectations to the table.
INTERMISSION: ‘Hope Is a Broken Wing’ by DeathCulture@Sea.
Link and DCAS playlist.
Song notes: I recorded the vocals with a new microphone (AKG C-214), which I think sounds better? If you have any recording tips, please pretend it’s 2009 and let me know in the comments!
When I look at the aging trees, it seems possible that maybe I can move with more ease and grace as I get older. There’s only one problem with this theory: I am not a tree.
