It has been brought 2 my attention that there is a sub-species of human beings known as ‘gays.’ I would like to spend a few minutes discussing these gays, because I am ‘fascinated’ by their existence, which means that u should be 2! Perhaps u have met 1 or 2 of them ‘in person’ or at least have seen some on teevee, where they tend to act very ‘zany’ and r fun 2 laff at! Srsly, tho — gays r very creative and we should be thankful that they share that creativity with the world. There r some gays who r not creative and they r very sad ppl!
Also interesting about these gays — and did u know that gays can be ladies or ‘fellows’? — is that because they are attracted to each other, they cannot breed, or 2 put it in more complicated terms: ‘Gay men and women can’t produce children, by themselves, without technology or donation.’ Who knew! While this seems odd to most of us at first — isn’t the point of life 2 make more life? — it’s important 2 note that gays can have as much sex as they want with each other all the time. This is the purpose of their lives.
Sex 24/7 sounds ‘pretty effing sweet,’ doesn’t it? I call it ‘utopia.’ Ergo: ‘Gays are our utopian heroes!’
Given this, why do you suppose that gays since 2k6.5 have started asking for the right 2 marry? They want the ‘opportunity of traditional marriage — the very thing many of us str8s (not to mention the ’80s gay thinkers we, too, read and lionized) hoped gay life would undermine, in the name of new, better ways of ordering relationships.’
Srsly, who needs marriage when 2 live in the modern world means that each and every one of us can have a large network of bros (both IRL and on the internets, via Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr) who you can ‘chill hard’ with and maybe even exchange ‘bro-hugs’ b4 going out and ‘fucking as many broads’ as u want? Don’t gays know that marriage is ‘lye poured upon the petri dish of the new relations of erotic sociality?’
Seriously, feel sooo ‘let down’ by gays. Really thought that by the time I was ‘thirty-something’ in 2k9 that marriage would be considered ‘last century’ and I wouldn’t be ‘saddled with some bitch’ the rest of my life. Just want 2 enjoy life without being ‘tied down.’
Gays make me sad, yall. Wish they would help me out 4 a change. Selfish fggts.
